The Wrong Lifetime
by DramaLexy
Summary: In another lifetime, maybe things would have been different. KaraLee, KaraAnders. Set in the 1 year gap of Lay Down Your Burdens Pt2. COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

**TITLE: The Wrong Lifetime**

**AUTHOR: DramaLexy**

**SUMMARY: In another lifetime, maybe things would have been different. Kara/Lee, Kara/Anders. Set in the 1 year gap of Lay Down Your Burdens Pt. 2**

**DISCLAIMER: If they were mine...but they're not.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I played around with ideas for how exactly Lee winds up hating Kara, and this is the result. Assume that they actually did have sex in that bunkroom in "Scar" when they were really drunk (I'm not sure if that actually happened or not - it was a quick scene). And if you don't like Kara/Anders, don't flame me. I didn't like them either until the finale. Anyway, on with the show...**

* * *

It hadn't been left open for discussion when the presidential order was made that New Caprica would be settled. And yet, Adama was currently having a discussion with his CAG about the matter.

"We still need patrols," Kara protested, standing in the middle of the admiral's office. "We need to protect the people of this fleet and the colony. I'm not leaving this ship."

"They need people on the planet to help with establishing the colony."

"And why does that require pilots?"

"It requires everyone…to play their own part in our survival."

Kara raised an eyebrow. "Sir?"

"I'm proposing that Pegasus take sole responsibility for air patrols, and you would remain commander of the fleet's air group."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Oh…" Adama smiled. "Um, what about Anders, Sir? He could help us here, I know he can."

"All civilians are supposed to be going planetside," he reminded her.

"I know…So what if he wasn't a civilian anymore?"

* * *

"Are you kidding?" Sam asked Kara as they had dinner together in the mess hall.

"I'm perfectly serious."

"You want me for security on this ship?"

"Well, actually you'd be joining the Marines on Pegasus. It's perfect, Sam. I fly, you work, we frak…" He choked on his drink at that last bit, making her giggle. She hadn't laughed that easily in ages – hadn't had a reason to.

"Don't do that to me," he said. Kara grinned, leaning over to kiss him.

"Aw, I'm sorry, Sammy." He tried to glare, but was still smiling. "Think about it, though. We'd be able to be together. Most of the marines are getting sent down to the planet, but the Old Man is willing to make sure that you'd stay on Pegasus."

"What did you have to promise him in exchange for that?"

Kara laughed. "He apparently has missed seeing me smile. And you seem to have had a positive effect in that regard."

Sam smiled. "I do what I can. So, when are we leaving?"

"Well, we're supposed to report in to Lee tomorrow."

"Ooh, fun."

* * *

They took a Raptor over to Pegasus the following afternoon. People had already begun moving down to the planet, using shuttles and any transport ships that were actually designed for atmospheric entry. Colonial One had already landed atop a hill over the settlement; they were already calling the place 'New Caprica City.' Kara would have preferred never having to have abandoned the old Caprica City in the first place.

"I don't think I would ever get sick of this view," Anders said, his eyes glued to the window as they flew from one Battlestar to the other. It really was quite a sight: the odd collection of ships backdropped by the beautiful blue and green and brown planet below and the mysterious mist around them.

"After nine months of flying around with it for hours every day, you might," Kara replied.

The landing went smoothly, and Kara went to find Lee while Anders looked for his own new CO. "No welcome wagon?" she teasingly asked as she came in the door of Lee's office.

"I'm a little busy around here, today," he said, barely looking up from the paperwork in front of him. "Baltar wants us down to a skeleton crew by the end of next week, and refuses to believe how big that crew actually has to be in order to keep this ship running."

"I guess I'll get out of your way, then, Commander," she said, rather pointedly using his rank. "Anything I need to know about my squadrons?"

"Do me a favor and figure out how few of you it's going to take – and which ones of you – to keep patrols in the air." Kara nodded and started to leave. "Captain?" Lee offered her a little smile as she turned around. "Welcome aboard the Pegasus."

Kara saluted. "Thank you, Sir."

* * *

The day that the last transport ships permanently found perches on the surface of New Caprica was the day that the ships still lingering in space stopped being the Colonial Fleet and became New Caprica's Orbital Defense System. New Caprica City was the loosely named industrial center of the colony, while other smaller settlements around it focused on agriculture. Conditions were harsh; winter was just beginning to thaw and the weather was always dreary due to the gas cloud the planet was shrouded by. It actually seemed possible, though, that the planet might eventually feel like home.

For the first couple weeks after reaching orbit, everyone – in space and on the ground – was tense, simply waiting for the Cylons to come and obliterate them all. There would be nothing the patrols could do for the people on the planet if an attack occurred. There were simply too many, and time would be too short. Adama had suggested creating a system that gave every person in New Caprica City a place onboard one of the ships on the ground so they could be evacuated if need be – lifeboat assignments. Baltar had refused; the plan would create unwarranted panic amongst the people. They were safe now; the Cylons would not find them. End of discussion.

Life onboard Pegasus was considerably easier than on the surface, even for the last of a dying breed. Most pilots had been transferred off the ship, but as the concern of discovery by the enemy faded, those who were left behind began to rediscover what life had been like before the holocaust.

"Ready?" Kara asked Anders as they both stretched out in one of Pegasus' hallways.

"Mmm-hmm."

"On three…Three!" She took off running.

"Not fair, you little brat!" he yelled, dashing after her. Kara just laughed.

They raced around the ships corridors together, like they did almost every morning. Sometimes he would take a shortcut along the path, getting in front of her, sometimes she would find a way to pull back in the lead. They both made it back to the door outside their bunkroom at roughly the same time.

"You are a dirty cheat," Anders accused once they stopped, trying to catch his breath.

Kara grinned impishly. "But you love me anyway."

"Yeah, for some strange reason, I do."

He'd told her that many times, sometimes playfully, sometimes seriously, sometimes drunkenly. She knew it was true, and knew she felt the same way, but hadn't been able to bring herself to say the same words out loud. The people she loved died, and she couldn't lose Sam. Somehow, he seemed to understand like no one else ever had. And maybe that was a big part of WHY she loved him.

"When are you on shift?" Anders asked as they went inside and began gathering things for the shower.

Kara looked at a clock. "In about a half hour."

He snorted. "No hurry, then. Wouldn't want you to get there early or anything."

"Nope," she replied with a grin.

* * *

Kara was only about five minutes late by the time she got down to the deck. The other pilots were already assembled and waiting in the briefing room. "Attention on deck!" Hotdog called when he noticed her. She'd pulled him over with her from Galactica, along with a couple of her latest nuggets and some Raptor pilots. The squadron was gelling nicely. 

"At ease," Kara commanded as she took her place in the front of the room. "I think everyone's familiar with the drill by now. In addition to the typical menu, the daily special is going to be sending a couple Raptor scouts on short-range jumps beyond the cloud to make sure everything's still clear out there. Any questions?" There weren't. "All right, good hunting, boys and girls."

Out in space, the view of the pretty blue marble below them hadn't gotten old yet. Nowadays, there was time for such luxuries as steeple chasing with the only refinery ship still in orbit, or other games, as long as they got their work done as well.

"So who's bringing the cards tonight?" one of the pilots asked as they flew around, waiting for the Raptor scouts to report back in after their second round of jumps.

"That would be Bandit's responsibility," Kara answered. She had insisted upon instating a tradition of card games in the mess hall at night. Money actually had a value again for goods on New Caprica. Since they were all supposed to get leave on the planet at some point, there was actually something at stake during Triad matches for the first time in nearly a year. The games were also a good way to build community within the small group left on the Battlestar, and a way to pass the time between shifts. "All of you better bring your cubits," she told her companions. "I can promise you won't be leaving with them."

"We took a vote and decided you should be banned from the game, Sir," the other pilot teasingly told her. "The night will last longer that way."

Kara laughed. "Well, maybe if you guys are nice, I'll go easy on you tonight…for at least a half hour or so."

* * *

TBC... 


	2. Chapter 2

"Wow, you look like hell," Anders commented early one morning as he noticed Kara return to their bunkroom from the bathroom. She shot him a lethal look.

"Thanks."

He leaned against the wall by her locker as she put her things away. "Are you okay?"

"I'm getting there. I apparently drank a lot more last night than I thought I did."

"You've said that a couple times in the past week or so. Do you need a baby-sitter or something to keep you in line while you're robbing all the other poor pilots of their money?"

Kara smiled. "Are you offering?"

"Maybe. Get someone to cover your shift and go back to bed."

"There aren't enough of us on this ship to start dropping shifts without notice. I'll survive."

He shrugged. "O-kay, but you better not go out there and ralph in your flight suit, and then asphyxiate before you can get back on the deck."

She offered him a mock salute. "I'll do my best."

* * *

By the time she got down to the deck, Kara was feeling better, and her patrol went smoothly. The time went by relatively quick, due to a few races around the fleet and a couple stunt shows. Back onboard Pegasus, Kara removed her helmet as the canopy slid forward on her Viper. 

"Good run, guys," she called to the pilots she'd been out with, who were also getting out of their cockpits.

"Are you off-duty yet, Captain?" a voice asked, and she looked to see that Anders was at the base of the ladder beside her fighter. Kara checked the clock.

"It just so happens I am," she told him with a grin before climbing down and kissing him.

"Glad to see you're back in one piece," Sam said as they started walking towards the door.

"I told you I'd be fine. I feel a lot better, honest."

"Wanna get something to eat?"

"Sure. Just let me change and then – ow!" Kara doubled over, bracing her arm against her stomach as pain spread through her entire being. If Sam hadn't managed to grab her, she would have been on the hangar floor.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't know! Frak, it hurts!"

"Can you walk?" She tried taking a step, but nearly collapsed. Anders swung her up into his arms. "Okay, I'm taking you to the Life Station," he said as they headed out of the hangar. "Just hang on; you're going to be fine."

* * *

Anders didn't like the look on the doctor's face by the time the man and his team finished with Kara. "Sit down," he said as he approached the ex-C-Buck. 

"What's wrong with her?" he shot back, not complying.

The doctor pointed towards a chair behind him. "Sit down, son." Sam finally obliged. "Captain Thrace…had a miscarriage."

Sam frowned. "She was pregnant?" The doctor nodded. "She told me – she said she couldn't have kids."

"According to her records from Galactica, there was very little chance. She's suffered serious damage to her body; it would have taken a lot of work for her to have been able to carry to term."

He slowly nodded. "Does she know?"

"She hasn't woken up yet. When she does – "

"I'll tell her," Anders cut him off. The doctor just nodded.

* * *

The sun was shining brightly. In a sky. _Am I on Cloud Nine?_ Kara wondered to herself. But she couldn't have been; Cloud Nine was gone, destroyed in a nuclear fireball that took five other ships with it. That had to mean that the sky was real. _New Caprica?_

"Mommy, Mommy!" she heard a voice cry. A beautiful blonde child was currently running in her direction. Kara just barely managed to pick the girl up before she barreled straight into her. "Daddy said we could have chicken pie for dinner," the little angel announced.

"Oh, really? Where is Daddy?"

"Miss me?" a deep voice rumbled right behind her. Turning to face its owner, Kara found herself staring into a pair of deep blue eyes that matched those of the child in her arms. The little girl reached for her father to take her, and Lee laughed as the squirmy package was transferred from Kara's embrace to his own. He leaned forward, his lips meeting hers, making their daughter squeal. "You want some, too?" Lee asked her, showering her face with kisses and making her laugh even harder.

It was absolutely wonderful and perfect. Kara prayed to the Lords that it wasn't just a dream, even though she knew full well that it was.

* * *

Sam watched Kara as she slept, curled on her side on a bed in the Life Station. He'd spent the past several months of his life not knowing whether or not he would live to see the next day. Meeting Kara had given him a reason to keep TRYING to make it to tomorrow, and now that he had her in his life everyday, he was actually beginning to try picturing his future again. Mainly he just knew that he wanted her in it. 

Kara started to stir, her eyelids fluttering. Anders took her hand. "Kara? Can you hear me?" It took a moment, but she finally gave a mumbled reply that he considered a 'yes'. "How do you feel?"

"Like crap," she answered. "What happened?"

"Do you remember coming back from patrol?"

She thought about that for a minute. "What's wrong with me?" she finally asked.

"You just…you were pregnant, Kara."

She looked away from him. "Were?" she finally asked.

"Yeah. The Doc said…it just couldn't have worked." She slowly nodded. "I should go let him know you're awake. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay." Kara made sure he was safely gone before allowing herself thirty seconds to quietly break down. She had finished and was staring off at nothing by the time the doctor returned with Anders.

"Give us a minute," he requested of the ex-C-Buck and closed the curtain around Kara's bed. "How are you feeling?" he asked his patient as he sat in the chair by her bed.

"Never better. Can I get out of here?"

"Not quite yet. We want to keep monitoring you a little while longer. Were you aware that you were pregnant, Captain?"

"No. I didn't think it was possible. I just figured my stupid body was being frakked up again."

"Well, last I checked, Viper wings don't come with a license to practice medicine. The next time you decide to start self-diagnosing yourself, come see me instead, would you? It'll save both of us some time and probably keep you from almost winding up in the morgue again."

Kara nodded. "Yes, Sir."

The doctor's features softened a bit. "You've already proven once that you can do the near-impossible, Captain. If…if you choose to try again, let me know. There are a few treatments that could help make sure you get past the three month mark next time."

"There won't be a next time," Kara replied. After a pause, the doctor nodded.

"All right."

It took a few seconds too long for his last comment to register in her mind. "Wait," she said as he started to get up. "Three month mark? How far along was I?"

"Well, I would say about ten weeks." He held her look for a moment. "And no, I didn't inform the gentleman waiting for you outside of that." Kara couldn't do anything but watch him leave. She had only been back from Caprica for five weeks; the baby hadn't been Sam's. There was only one other option, and the thought gave her a chill like ice water down her spine.

Anders approached her bed, taking her hand and offering her a smile. "What'd the doc say?" he asked.

"He's not springing me yet."

"Well, then, I guess I'm not going anywhere, either."

"I…I think I'm just going back to sleep. You don't have to stay."

Sam smiled. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Sitting around the infirmary all night isn't exactly my idea of a fun time."

"We…we should talk, Kara. I mean, I know we didn't know, but we still…we still lost it."

She swallowed a sob. "I don't want to talk about it."

Anders knew her well enough to know to back off. "Okay. We don't have to do it now. I just want you to know that you don't have to take this on by yourself." He kissed her forehead, and turned to go. Kara sighed to herself once she was alone. She didn't want to lie to him – she really didn't – but the alternative meant telling Lee the truth as well, and that wasn't an option. So she would have to let everyone continue to assume.

* * *

TBC...

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	3. Chapter 3

The doctor finally released Kara the next morning with orders to get some rest and to come check in with him the following day. Anders came to walk her from the infirmary back to their bunkroom. "You better not think you're going to spend all day hovering over me," Kara told him as they navigated the ship's corridors.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Sam replied with a smile. "I've got a shift this afternoon."

Arriving in their bunkroom, he opened the door and Kara could see that a 'Get Well Soon' banner had been strung up on the wall inside. "It wasn't my idea," Anders instantly defended himself. "It seems that the pilots get concerned when their CAG inexplicably has to be carried off the hangar deck, so your squad was glad to know you were going to be okay."

"What did you tell them?" Kara asked as she sat on her bed.

"That you were in the infirmary, but you were annoying the hell out of the Doc, so he was kicking you out at his earliest convenience."

"Nothing else?"

"I didn't mention the baby," he confirmed, sitting on his own rack with a sigh. "Are we just going to pretend this whole thing never happened?"

"What 'whole thing', Sam? I didn't even know until it was over. That's not much of a 'thing' to worry about."

"Kara – "

"Maybe this is just the way things were supposed to turn out. I mean, what the frak would I do with a baby on a Battlestar?"

"We could have gone to New Caprica. Started over, made a life there."

Kara lay back on her bunk. "But it didn't work out that way. I think I'm going to sleep; maybe the day will go by faster that way."

Sam nodded. "Okay. I'll be back later." He got up and went over to kiss her forehead before leaving. Once he was gone, Kara closed her eyes and tried to relax. She just had to keep telling herself that life would be easier this way, and maybe eventually she'd actually believe it.

* * *

Caprica City had been Kara's favorite place in the Colonies before the attack. Everything was always active and fun; the nights were full of lights and music. Her apartment had a view of the downtown area, and she KNEW in her head that the skyline had been ravaged by the Cylon attack, and yet she was currently staring through her window at the same view she'd always known. Slow, cautious piano music filled the room. 

"How was that, Mommy?" a little voice asked as the song ended. Kara turned around and smiled at the little girl sitting on the instrument's bench.

"Perfect."

The little cherub got up. "Will you play with me, too?"

Kara glanced down at her hands, curling her fingers and feeling the slight soreness that resulted from a childhood punishment. "It's been a long time."

"Please?" The child glanced up at the third figure entering the room. "Don't you think Mommy should play, too, Daddy?"

"Oh, definitely," Lee said, leaning against the doorframe and smiling impishly.

Kara sat on the bench, pulling her daughter into her lap. Fingers that normally made a flying hulk of metal into an extension of her own body were now easily dancing over the keys, playing a song she knew by heart. Little hands slipped on top of hers, fingers overlapping as the music went through both of them.

"Play it again," was the demand when Kara finished. She laughed.

"Okay, but only because you asked so nicely."

* * *

It was still dark in her bunkroom when Kara woke up. Everyone else was still asleep, but her brain wouldn't slow down for long enough for her to do the same. She got up and changed into off-duty clothes, then set off on a walk around the ship. The doctor had told her in no uncertain terms that she wasn't to fly, run, or work out until he cleared her, but she had a store of built up energy that she needed to get rid of somehow. Walking wouldn't hurt. 

She hadn't understood when she first dreamed of her child and Lee; she hadn't known what had happened. But now she was aware, and being haunted once more by what could have been had unnerved her quite a bit.

"Look who's up and about," she heard a voice say and turned to see Lee behind her.

"Apparently so."

Lee smiled as he stopped next to her. "How are you?"

"Good. Hopefully I'll be back in a cockpit soon."

"Glad to hear it…Feel like talking?"

Kara eyed him skeptically. "How big of a mouth does the Doc have?"

"Big enough. I wouldn't be a good commander if I didn't get worried when I hear my CAG collapsed on the deck."

"I didn't exactly collapse…"

"Kara. Please."

She looked away. "Can we do this some other time?"

Lee nodded. "Yeah, sure. Why don't you come by my office once you check in with the Doc?"

Kara grudgingly nodded. "Yes, Sir."

* * *

It took a little while after she left the infirmary that afternoon before she finally arrived at Lee's quarters/office. He smartly didn't comment on her tardiness, just closed the door behind her and moved over to the bar to pour two drinks. "Here," Lee said, handing Kara a glass of water. She took it with a nod of thanks. "What was the Doc's final verdict?" 

"I'm cleared for flight."

He smiled, sitting in a chair across from her. "That's good."

Kara looked down. "Yeah. Back to life as usual."

Lee studied her for a moment. He really, REALLY, didn't need to think about the details of her life now – her life without him – but it was obvious that something was going on, and he wanted to help if he could. Just glutton for punishment, he supposed. "Except nothing's the same?" Lee quietly asked.

Kara looked up, a bit surprised that he was actually pressing her for details. Their conversations had been short, to the point, and mainly work-related ever since she had arrived on Pegasus. She'd missed her best friend.

"Yeah," she finally said, her voice not much more than a whisper. "After everything they did to me…after that frakking farm, I never thought…I never wanted to be somebody's mother. I never thought I would be."

"Maybe the tests were wrong," Lee told her. "Maybe…maybe you'll get another chance to do right all the things that went wrong for you."

"I don't deserve another chance. I was given a miracle, Lee, and I frakked it up just like I do with everything else. Someone else was counting on me to survive and I couldn't even handle that! I was too stupid to figure it out for months – " her eyes widened as she realized what she'd said. "Weeks," she tried to cover herself, but she'd already gotten Lee's attention.

"You said you didn't know for months?"

"I meant weeks," she said, staring at her hands. "I'm just – I'm not thinking straight."

Lee wasn't giving up, though; he saw the look of guilt in her eyes. "How far along were you, Kara?" he asked, standing and moving closer to her. She didn't answer. "Kara? How far…" The word 'months' kept floating around in his head. _Months. Enough time that she couldn't just say 'weeks' anymore, but not enough time that she was showing…_ "Oh, Gods, Kara. Was it mine?"

She couldn't respond, just looked up at him with eyes that were shining with tears. It was all Lee needed, though. He looked away from her, trying to keep his emotions under control. _Another child…_ "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"No," she honestly replied, standing up as her tears spilled over. She hated crying more than anything, but couldn't force herself to stop. "It was already too late…Who its father was wouldn't have brought it back. You knowing wouldn't have changed anything and…I didn't want to hurt you."

"You didn't want to hurt me? Or you didn't want to have to deal with it, deal with telling your 'personal property' the truth? Didn't want your little C-Buck to know that while he was waiting for rescue back home, you'd been frakking around!"

Kara reached to punch him, but he caught her wrist before she could make contact. She swung with the other arm, and at least managed to smack him before he caught her hand. He didn't hit back, just held her at bay, staring at her with hard, icy blue eyes. Kara finally had to look away, and he released her.

"Get out," Lee said, turning away towards his desk. "Just get the frak out."

* * *

TBC... 


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews I've gotten so far! keep the feedback coming 8-)**

* * *

It took a little bit of time alone in an empty storage room for Kara to collect herself. Lee had been right, in a sense. The excuse she gave him for not revealing the truth had been crap, but not for the reasons he thought. It wasn't that she was afraid of having to tell Anders – although she wasn't looking forward to it – but she'd been afraid that Lee would blame her, just like she was blaming herself. She'd always been a screw-up, and probably always would be, but she hated it when she screwed up for him. She didn't want him to see this as another mess that she'd dragged him into. The really big messes, the really important ones, were things that he couldn't get her out of. 

When she got back to her bunk room, Anders was there. "Hey, there you are," he said as she came in the door. "I was just about to go looking for you. You want dinner?"

"I'm not hungry," Kara said as she sat on her bed.

"Wow, that's a first," he teased. "What did the doctor say?"

"That I've gotta be up for early shift tomorrow."

Sam nodded. "You sure you're ready?"

"It's a matter of sitting on my ass for a few hours, Sam; I think I'll be okay."

"Okay, Captain Invincible. I'm just trying to make sure nothing happens to you."

Kara sighed. It really wasn't his fault that her life was falling apart. "I know. I'm just…"

He nodded. "I get it; it's okay. You want to go running in the morning?"

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

They were both awake before most of the ship the next day, having friendly races through the Pegasus' decks. The permanent chill that penetrated any space-faring vessel had almost been driven out of Kara's body by the time she and Anders got back to their bunkroom. 

"I won," Sam declared as he became the first one to touch their hatch. Kara rolled her eyes.

"Today, maybe," she replied.

"Doesn't winner get a prize?" he asked.

"Depends on what it is," Kara said as she opened the door.

"How about you?"

She raised an eyebrow. "As much as I would love to, I don't think I've got time before my shift."

"I don't mean that," he said with a laugh. "I meant you, as in having you as mine."

"Personal property?" Kara asked, grinning impishly, as she got her stuff out of her locker.

"Yeah, in a matter of speaking. Marry me."

Kara dropped her shower kit. "Excuse me?"

Sam bent to help her retrieve her things. "You heard me."

"You don't want me, Sam," she said as she tried to take her belongings and brush past him on her way to the bathroom. He caught her arm.

"I think I know what I want."

"You don't know me. I…Nobody wants to take damaged goods."

"I don't see damage. I'd call it…character."

Kara pulled her arm free. "Were you drinking last night?"

"A little, but not enough to do anything."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I am. I'll wait as long as I have to for you to say yes."

"I already said no."

"No, you said that I shouldn't be asking. But I am, and you're going to say yes." He smiled. "Go get a shower; you're going to be late for your shift." Kara didn't answer – she had absolutely no idea what to say – so she just followed his instruction and left the room. As if her life needed any more complications.

* * *

A few days later, Kara had a day off and decided there was someone she needed to pay a visit to for a little advice. As she approached the hatch to Adama's office, she could hear the tail end of the phone conversation he was having. She smiled to herself as she realized who he was talking to. 

"How is Roslin?" she asked the admiral as she came into the room after he hung up.

"Beginning the school year on New Caprica. From the sound of her voice, I think she's enjoying herself." Kara smiled; it was easy to see how much of an impact the call had had on the Old Man. She was glad to see him happy. "So, to what do I owe this surprise?" Adama asked, gesturing for her to sit in the chair across from him.

"This ship was home for far too long for me to leave it very easily."

Adama smiled. "You treat that Doc on Pegasus any better than Cottle?"

"Not really…You talked to Lee?"

He nodded. "The next time that you end up in an infirmary, don't let me hear it through the fleet grapevine."

Kara nodded. "Yes, Sir." She watched him carefully; he didn't seem angry, which could only mean that Lee hadn't divulged the whole story. Kara really didn't want to have to share, but she'd promised herself nearly a year ago that she wasn't keeping secrets from the Old Man again. She wasn't sure if she could handle him blaming her any more than she could handle the same from Lee, but she knew she definitely couldn't take betraying him again.

Adama saw her smile melt away, and saw the look of concerned contemplation that replaced it. "What's the matter, Kara?"

_Bad news comes second_, she decided. "Anders asked me to marry him."

He smiled. "Was he sober?"

"At first, I wasn't sure. But he's asked every day since, and he's waiting for me to say yes."

"So why haven't you?"

"Because I think he might have lost his mind." They both smiled a little at that. "I just…I never thought – "

"That you would feel this way again? That someone else would love you?"

She couldn't look at him; her hands, folded in her lap, suddenly became fascinating. "I'm going to mess this up," Kara said, her voice not much more than a whisper.

One of Adama's hands covered both of hers. "No, you're not."

She shook her head. "You don't know that. You don't know what I did…"

He was patient, like always. "What did you do, Kara?"

"I lost something…something I didn't know I had and never thought I wanted."

Adama slowly nodded. "After I heard, I suspected. If you didn't know about the baby, then the something was taken from you; it wasn't something you lost."

"But it was taken from Lee, too," she blurted as tears spilled. She couldn't stop crying! "And you."

He stopped, considered that for a long moment. Kara steeled herself for anger in his voice, for disappointment, but it didn't come. "I will not deny that I would have wanted a grandchild," Adama finally said. "I won't lie to you, Kara. But it is not your fault that that didn't happen."

"Isn't it? I was pulling ridiculous Gs in stupid aerial maneuvers for show, never sleeping, barely eating, and spending almost every night in the mess with at least two full glasses of whatever somebody managed to brew. I killed my child without even knowing it."

"Would you have done any of that if you'd known in time?" Kara shook her head. "That's all anyone could ask for. That's all you can ask of yourself." He gently used his free hand to raise her chin so she was looking at him. "You'll get another chance, Kara, if you want it, because you deserve it. The sins committed against you will not be your own, you hear me?"

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you. And I have faith in you."

She slowly nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Now, if your heart says that you can go tell your 'personal property' yes, then stop letting your brain's fears take control and go tell him."

Another nod. "Yes, Sir."

He smiled. "Good. Anything else?" Kara shook her head. "That was quite enough for one day, hmm?"

"Yeah...I should probably get back; I'm sure I've got a mountain of paperwork in my office."

"I wouldn't want to keep you, then."

Kara grinned. "Thank you."

"Anything for my favorite pilot." She started to leave, but he stopped her. "Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"When you do get another chance at a family…I hope you'd let me consider them as part of my family, just like you are."

She smiled. "Them? How many grandchildren do you think you're getting?"

"How many would you consider having?" he fired back. She laughed.

"Probably one, if any. Maybe two if I manage not to screw up the first one too badly." Adama laughed. "Either way…it or they couldn't ask for a better grandfather." She gave him a little grin, then left.

* * *

TBC... 


	5. Chapter 5

Kara had a few things to take care of when she got back to Pegasus before she could start tackling the pile of work that was waiting for her in her office. Anders came by that evening with two trays he had 'borrowed' from the mess for dinner. "I heard you were off-ship today," he said as he laid out their plates and they both started eating.

"Did someone put an ankle monitor on me or something?"

"You have very well-informed pilots."

"I have very NOSY pilots," she corrected.

"That too. Is there something going on, or was it an unofficial visit?"

"Just a visit."

Anders nodded. "You miss being on Galactica?"

"Sometimes…Do you have a shift tomorrow?"

"Yeah, early. You?"

"Late. Meet me in the hangar when you get off duty, okay?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Where are we going?"

"Just trust me."

"Okay."

* * *

She had a Raptor all ready to go by the time he got to the hangar early the next afternoon. Anders was surprised to see Kara wearing civies that he didn't even know she owned instead of military off-duty clothes. "Ready?" she asked as he climbed up into the ship. 

"Yeah. Except I still don't know where I'm going."

She grinned. "I guess it's a good thing I'm the one flying, then."

It wasn't too big of a surprise when they cleared Pegasus and began descending to the surface of New Caprica. Upon landing on the outskirts of the settlement, Kara shut down the Raptor and jumped down out of the hatch. "Come on," she told Anders, waiting for him to follow her lead.

They walked between supply stands and rows of temporary housing that had been put up using whatever anyone could get their hands on. He almost ran into her from behind when she stopped short. "Hey!"

"What do you think?" Kara asked.

"What do I think about what?" She gestured to the patch of open ground that was in front of them. "Um…I think I'm confused."

"You think you could call this home?"

Sam looked down at her. "What?"

"You mentioned before about starting over here."

"Yeah, I did, but I hadn't really thought about it when I said it."

"So you don't want to do it?"

"I didn't say that, just…I'm not living down here without you."

"Who said you'd have to?"

"You're going to give up flying?"

"I could do transports every now and then so I don't go crazy."

"Fighters and flying are part of who you are."

"Not as much of a part as they used to be. Something else took up a little more space…I'm saying yes, Sam. My answer is yes."

He smiled. "Are you sure?"

Kara threaded her fingers through his own. "I am, as long as you're willing to keep being patient with me…I'm not very good at trusting yet, incase you hadn't figured that out."

"I was starting to get some idea," he replied with a laugh. She smiled.

"However," she continued. "I think I'm learning love a little bit quicker." Anders kissed her.

"So this is home, huh?" he asked, turning back to look at their little 'lot.'

"Yeah."

"I think it's going to need some walls."

Kara laughed. "And a roof."

* * *

Several former members of Galactica's crew – like the Chief, Cally, and a few other deckhands and pilots – were also living in the same area of the settlement. Tyrol had offered to help Anders see about getting supplies and shelter while Kara was on duty. She was supposed to go back down and get him that night after her shift, but wound up taking a little detour to Pegasus' command deck before going back to the Raptor waiting for her. 

She could see Lee's eyes harden after he looked up at the sound of a knock on his door and saw that she was the one waiting. "What do you need, Captain?" he asked.

"I think…it's more about what you need, Sir," she replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Pegasus is going to need a new CAG."

Lee just stared at her. "You're really giving everything up? For him?"

"Everyone's got priorities, Lee."

"I guess so. Does he even know the truth?" Kara didn't answer. "Didn't think so."

She wasn't going to get into this with him, not now, not if she could help it. "I just wanted to tell you I was leaving," Kara said. "It'll be a few days; I can figure out a plan for the squadron – "

"The squadron will be fine," Lee cut her off. "Just go ahead and play house." That was the last straw…

"This is my life, Lee. I get to live it the way I want to."

"You certainly do that. And damn anyone else who happens to cross your path."

"I'm sorry, all right? I am. This is why I didn't want you to know. There's absolutely nothing either of us can do that's going to fix anything, and I…I just didn't want to have to deal with it."

The problem wasn't really the fact that she hadn't told him, at least not anymore. Lee believed that Kara hadn't known beforehand and understood that frakking with all of their lives wasn't going to help anything. The main source of his anger was the fact that he hadn't been there. Not on the flight deck or in the infirmary or there to take care of her afterwards. He only knew because of a slip of the tongue, and truthfully that was his fault just as much as it was hers.

They were so good at hurting each other when they were in pain, so good at pushing each other away when all they really wanted was the opposite. He'd lost her to someone else, and now lost the only link he might have had to her. It hurt more than anything else ever had. The wall between them was so thick; it was easier to keep building up the barricades than to work at trying to tear them down.

"Have a nice life, Starbuck," he finally said. Some little part of him hoped that maybe she would hold on just a little bit longer, but it wasn't to be. Kara shook her head slightly with a sigh, then turned and left, slamming the hatch behind her. Lee sat down at his desk. She was giving up just as much as he was, he told himself. Maybe eventually he'd actually believe it.

In another lifetime, perhaps things would have been different.

* * *

When Kara landed back in New Caprica City, she wasn't completely surprised to see that Anders was working on construction of a pyramid court instead of their home. "I leave you alone for a couple hours…" she scolded him teasingly. Sam grinned. 

"Aw, you know you want to play, too," he told her.

"Maybe another day. Did you actually get anywhere with the requisition people?"

"Yeah. The stuff's ours as soon as we want it. We have to pitch the thing ourselves, but some of your friends said they'd help. I think this is going to be really good, Kara."

They made their way back through the settlement to the Raptor and Kara started running through the pre-flight checklist. "I got something for you," Sam said as he watched her from the co-pilot's seat.

"Something like what?"

He dug in the pocket of his jacket and finally produced a small silver ring. "It's nothing too extravagant. You could put it on a chain if you want to. Or if you want to wear it, I think I found a guy that could adjust it if the size isn't right." He reached to try putting the band on her finger and Kara could see the confusion on his face when she pulled her hand back.

"Th…there's something you need to know," she quietly said. "Something that I have to say before I can take that ring."

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

"I…I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of. I didn't tell you this before because…I guess I really was just a frakking coward." She took a deep breath. "I was ten weeks along when I lost my baby."

Anders looked down. "I wondered," he finally said. "You never said 'our'. It was always just 'yours'."

"It was only once," she started to explain, but he shook his head.

"We both have pasts," he told her, "But they don't matter anymore. I can live with yours if you can live with mine." Her curiosity was slightly piqued - his past had to be pretty colorful in order to match hers - but it didn't matter at the moment. Maybe one day they'd have a conversation about all those little things that really didn't have any bearing anymore. But that wouldn't be today. Kara fired up the Raptor's engines and the ship rose off the surface, heading back for space.

"What would you have done?" she quietly asked as they traveled through New Caprica's atmosphere. "I mean, if somehow things hadn't ended up the way they did."

Anders shrugged. "I don't know. Depends on what you wanted, what the kid's father would have wanted… How many guesses would I need to figure out who he is?"

"Probably only one."

He nodded. "Yeah, thought so. But does it really matter what I would have done, what he would have done? Things DID end up the way they've ended up." He reached for her hand and slipped the ring on her finger. It was pretty close to a perfect fit. "I happen to like where we are right now."

Kara smiled. "High orbit?"

"Brat."

* * *

TBC...

**one chapter to go. as always, feedback is appreciated.  
**


	6. Epilogue

"I'm still not sure if I should be honored or insulted."

Kara laughed at Helo's comment. "Why? Because you're my maid of honor?"

"Okay, you've gotta come up with a better title than that. I may be your friend, but there's only so much my ego is going to let me put up with."

She smiled as he watched her finish her hair. "Okay, how about 'ECO of honor'?"

"That would work…if I'd actually been on the clock while seeing the insides of a Raptor anytime lately."

"It's not my fault the only way you could stay on Galactica keeps you buried in CIC all the time," Kara pointed out.

"True. I can deal with ECO of honor."

"Good." She turned around to face him. "How do I look?"

Helo smiled. "He's a lucky guy, Starbuck."

"Or stupid; I haven't quite figured out which yet."

He laughed. "Are you going to kick my ass if I say you're absolutely beautiful?" Kara smiled. Roslin had called in a favor to get her a dress, a long white thing with an empire-waist and thin straps on her shoulders. A few of her ex-pilot friends had loaned jewelry and given tips for hair and makeup. She completely and totally looked like a girl, and for once she didn't care.

"Today you've got permission to say it," she told Helo. "But only today."

"Yes, Sir."

They both looked up at the sound of a knock on the door to the Galactica bunkroom they were currently occupying. The hatch opened slightly. "May I come in?" Adama's voice came through the crack.

"Yeah, I'm almost ready," Kara replied. The admiral stepped in the doorway and then just stopped, taking in the sight of her as a smile slowly crossed his face. "What do you think?"

"Beautiful," Adama told her. "Absolutely beautiful."

"That's what I said," Helo commented. He grinned at Kara. "I think you're in good hands now. I'll see you in there."

She nodded. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Adama shut the door behind Helo as he left. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"I think so…There's something I wanted you to have." She went over to her bag of things that was on one of the beds and pulled an object out of one of the pockets. Once she'd placed the thing in Adama's hand, he could see that it was a silver ring. Zak's ring.

"I didn't take it off for a long time," Kara explained. "I'll never forget him, I promise you that, I just…I don't need that anymore to remember, and I thought you might want it."

Adama nodded. "Thank you…Have you spoken to Lee?"

"I don't think we're on speaking terms at the moment. He knows, though, about the wedding." He made a mental note to talk with his son later. Loving Kara meant wanting her to be happy, whatever that entailed, but he'd known for a long time what was truly behind the games that his son and 'daughter' played with each other. Lee had been the first of the Adama's to know her, and was the one that had loved her the longest. In another lifetime, maybe…

A knock sounded on the door and Helo stuck his head in. "You've got an impatient groom out here and some even more impatient guests," he told Kara.

"Okay, okay, we're coming."

Adama extended an arm to her. "I suppose we should get this started," he told her.

* * *

The ceremony was wonderful, performed on Galactica's hangar deck with all of their friends. A few of the pilots had given them a wedding present of a night onboard one of the nearly-empty civilian ships that was still stuck in orbit because they didn't have a facility it could land on. They'd taken full advantage of their lavish private quarters before finally falling asleep.

Kara was surprised to find herself dreaming about New Caprica. In her vision, conditions on the planet were considerably better than their current state – the shantytown of tents was instead populated by small houses. Standing in the middle of a dirt street, looking around at the bit of extremely-early-morning activity around her, she could see people on their way to the industrial sites visible by the hills that surrounded the city. A few waved.

Upon opening the wooden door to the little house in front of her, Kara was greeted by a sight that made her throat constrict. Curled up on a couch in the corner were Sam and a little brown-haired girl, fast asleep. The idea of actually having a family was slowly starting to sound more and more appealing.

The child looked up upon hearing the door close. "Hi, Mommy," she whispered.

"Hey there. Why aren't you in your own bed?"

"Daddy fell asleep working and I kept him company since you weren't home."

"That was very nice of you. You've still got another hour or so before you need to start getting ready for school. How about I get you tucked in back in your room?"

"Okay," she agreed, reaching for Kara to pick her up. She obliged, and took the girl into her small bedroom. Before her mother could finish rewrapping her in blankets, her eyes were already drooping once more.

"Sweet dreams," Kara told her as she got up to go.

"Love you, Mommy."

She smiled. "I love you, too." She settled back into sleep, and as Kara left the room, she realized something. Her daughter still had blue eyes. Not with a touch of green and gray, like her own, and certainly not dark like Sam's. Blue, like only one person she knew. And she didn't know how it would be possible, but she wasn't going to question. The child was gorgeous, and in another lifetime…she might have actually existed. And they might have been very happy.

* * *

Kara woke up, feeling slightly disoriented as she looked around the room. "You okay?" Sam groggily asked her, only half awake.

"Yeah. Just…a dream."

"Good one?"

She smiled, settling back into his arms. "Yeah. Very good." She didn't what the vision was supposed to mean, but she'd liked it. Kara had no idea what her future was going to hold, but for the moment, she was optimistic.

* * *

Fin.

I decided to leave things a bit open ended as far as what their future (season 3) will hold. Hope you've enjoyed; thanks for all the feedback I received.


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